Nothing mentioned, nothing gained

Campaign to lose shirts gains momentum

Amnesty International are the latest human rights group to add their voice to the cause of Simon H Fitzsimons, the white middle class male from south Dublin and self-proclaimed “indie creative” who claims he was “oppressed and humiliated” by the dress code of his former employers. “To me, having to wear a shirt and tie to work is the worst kind of oppression,” booms Fitzsimons. “The Irish people have suffered under the yoke of this sartorial slavery long enough – and now people have even started talking about a “fashion police.” Where will it end?” International human rights organisations have been quick to flock to the shirtless banner, with many of them redirecting funds and resources away from more trivial abuses such as slavery, torture, summary executions and prisoners at CIA black sites being forced to watch Celebrity Big Brother. Fitzsimons welcomes these developments as a step in the right direction. “This problem is much more urgent – much closer to home,” booms the 36 year old, who has succeeded in making a long-term career out of his three year Bachelor of Arts degree. He occasionally still attends lectures as long as they don’t interfere with his political activities or start at 9a.m. To ask Fitzsimons what action he and his supporters plan to take to win the right to lose their shirts is to miss the point. “Yeah, I get a lot of people saying, what are you like, going to actually DO about this? They’re idiots. Protests aren’t about action. Action isn’t needed. Righteous anger and likes on facebook are enough to change the world, everyone knows that.” Not everyone is fully onside with the campaign. “Here?” one member of the public asked incredulously, when told of #shirtlessmovement. “Way too fucking cold for that.” Detractors of the campaign have described it as pointless and out of touch, as the twenty-odd supporters of #shirtlessmovement are out of work actors, resting artists and full-time protestors whose only ever job related activity has been to actively avoid getting one.


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This entry was posted on February 4, 2015 by in Fiction, Ireland, Politics, Satire, Writing and tagged , , , , , , .
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