Nothing mentioned, nothing gained

Single sex education session throws right wing group into turmoil

The prominent right-wing group Trump Youth Attack (TYA) is in turmoil after a fifteen minute lesson in human reproduction challenged the beliefs of the youths, who style their hair after the fashion of the US presidential hopeful. They adopt hardline anti- stances in the name of religion, most notably Catholicism, although none of them have attended mass in years. TYA are best known for being anti-women, anti-homosexual, and anti-immigration, but the exhaustive list of their flexible anti- policies is too long to print.

It is understand that the workshop resulted of a grave misunderstanding: the group had read about Julian Blanc and mistook “sex education” for one of his infamous seminars in how to bully and assault women. The workshop was organised by some of the perpetually unlucky in love members who were hoping to gain an understanding of why their beliefs that a woman’s life doesn’t matter, an intelligent woman is just a man in disguise, and that women are to blame for all the world’s ills is such a turn-off for the modern woman.

The group were vaguely criticized last year for their stance on violence against women. “They have only themselves to blame, if they weren’t there we wouldn’t attack them,” a spokesman, Mr C, said at the time.

Childbirth was a particularly traumatic subject for the TYA’s at yesterday’s seminar. Many left the room to vomit, while others went into denial, angrily insisting that they had never been born. Some of the group flatly dismissed the qualified midwife’s version of events as feminist liberal propaganda.

“Babies are vomited up in the morning. Everyone knows that’s what morning sickness is,” a Mr A stated. “She’s an idiot. What would a girl know about girls anyway?”

But the group’s leader, Mr D, insists that this is no time for complacency.

“If what she said is true, it means a man is at least partially responsible for unplanned pregnancies. I mean, who knew? We can’t risk this getting out.”

D is seeking a second opinion on whether women are not solely to blame for pregnancies, from a man this time.

It hasn’t been the most successful week for the group since: following on from the biology lesson debacle, their protest this morning had to be cut short. “We were informed that this was a place women came to destroy cells so we thought we’d come and yell at them,” D stated. “But we were clearly misinformed because there were a number of men attending the facility. No man should have to walk past a line of protesters and be shouted at on his way to a healthcare center. It’s morally reprehensible. Whatever’s going on in his life, whatever he’s going in there for, that’s none of our business.”

Staff at the clinic were glad when the group moved on. “They protest here every so often, when the cappuccino machine in Starbucks is out. They really have no understanding of our work here, and how important it is. Not everyone has to have an MD or PhD, but these guys are so fucking stupid they should all be forcibly sterilised,” a leading oncologist at the cancer care clinic said.


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